How to write about blood

“Basic laws of physics: how to lodge a hook in your head. Treble means three. Simple motions. Hold, run, cast. You tell the story for show now, choosing words carefully, measuring impact, showing ownership of memory. I can tell it too, that is the subtext of what you’re saying. But you’re not trying to compete. You are sharing. This is our memory. You should have some say in its resurrection.”

This essay is about blood, literally: brother and sister and other. It is the hardest thing I’ve ever written. I’m grateful to Rappahannock Review for giving it a home, especially among so much fantastic talent (Brian Oliu and BJ Hollars, to name a mere few).

Read “Of Blood” in Rappahannock Review here.

 

What it’s like to learn you’re semi-deaf

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“It’s like being underwater: the loudest thing you hear are your thoughts. Voices are garbled syllables with distorted time signals, they are far off and distant. It is easy to ignore, easy to give in to the indulgence of living in one’s own head. This is what it’s like to be semi-deaf, to be increasingly deaf.”

— You can read my essay on FANZINE, as part of their incredible Body Maps series.

It’s Important To Talk About Monica Lewinsky. Here’s Why.

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The public assessment of Monica Lewinsky post-affair, post-scandal, post-blue dress and beret seemed to fall squarely in two camps: that she was was a slut – a bad girl looking for a good time, or she was an impressionable little girl who was preyed upon, taken advantage of by a man in a position of considerable power.

>> My latest piece about Lewinsky (and “power relationships,” and double standards) is up now.

FRESH INK: “On Buying a Knife”

“How do you tell someone their behavior is objectifying, reducing and dehumanizing? That it makes you uncomfortable and afraid? And the bigger question: why are we concerned about the appropriate way to address unwarranted, inappropriate behavior?”

I wrestle with the very real, very unwanted threat of sexual harassment in public in this piece, up now at Luna Luna Mag.

How to be a better person in 2014

DISCLAIMER: This post is in no way, shape or form written by an expert, nor does it contain any secret keys to life. (Sorry.) Instead, it was written by a very faulty human who has some self-awareness and a sincere desire to humbly move forward and become a better person.

By now, you’ve probably already made your list of resolutions and broken half of them (or, if you were more realistic, made one and are still going strong). This is kind of my list, if you want to call it that, because while making resolutions and setting goals is sort of my bread and butter, public pronouncements of such things scream “I am AN ADULT!” and if I’m being completely honest with you, I am still wading into this weird country called “adulthood” with extreme trepidation.

But I admit: I DO love reading the goal-setting lists of anyone, whether they appear to be well-polished individuals who have their shit totally together or a teenager on Tumblr who posts, “note to self: stop doing dumb shit.” They’re always inspiring. I am always the last person to do this because I find it so hard. I don’t understand how anyone, fresh off the insanity of holidays and travel and trying to get back into/out of the work grind, can manage to fit in a self-help plan/life overhaul before January 1. (Major props to you.) But I can only do what I can do, which is take the better part (read: almost all) of January to reflect on the past year and think about the possibilities of the new one.

I’ve been reading The Happiness Project by Gretchin Rubin and Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg, both inspirational self-help books (I use that term loosely) that don’t initially seem that similar, but the more I read, the more overlapping truths and themes emerge. I realize this could entirely be a result of reading the two together which has been an intellectually stimulating experience — my my brain working to find the context of one in the other and managing to synthesize both. (But really: both advocate knowledge and learning more, being  more culturally/socially and self-aware, and how to use that info to make better, more informed decisions that benefit YOU.)

In The Happiness Project, Rubin creates a list of “Rules for Adulthood” at the outset of her project. This is a list of basic principles that underpins the specific “areas of improvement” she’s targeted, and it also just seems to be a good way to start thinking about how to be a better person. I’ve reflected on my past year and identified some of the areas where I struggled and where I should aim to improve, as well as looked forward and imagined what my best life would be like. I think it’s wonderful to make resolutions and all, but if you don’t realistically take a look at what you’re like and where you’re at, the resolutions may not really be in alignment with your best interests. (Not that I’m an expert, but I AM a realist.)

I figured I’d share my own Rules for Adulthood for 2014. Some are lifted from Rubin’s list because it’s so damn good. Others are mine.

RULES FOR ADULTHOOD

1.) Don’t get tunnel vision.

2.) Take a nap.

3.) Don’t take it personally.

4.) Learn something from everyone.

5.) Think balance.

6.) Always ask.

7.) Be nice.

8.) Small, regular things mean more than occasional showy things.

9.) Live in the now.

10.) Make things with your heart, your brain, and your hands.

11.) Speak up.

12.) Write.

13.) Do you.

(If you want to start your own Happiness Project, Rubin’s website has a good resource for it here.)